Today's rant is on the 'After-Greeting Message' that cell phone carriers insist on forcing all of your callers to listen to whenever they get your voice mail.

"Press One To Send A Numeric Page"

When is the last time ANYONE sent a numeric page. It has got to be sometime before the turn of the century. This is a totally useless feature that should be disabled by default.

"To Record A Message, Wait For The Tone"

Well DUH! Who doesn't know how to leave a freakin' VOICE MAIL ?!?!?!?!

"When You Are Finished Recording, Press Five For More Options"

AARRRGGHHH!!! I don't give a RIP about more options! I just want to leave a message and get on with my day!

This is a classic case of technology making our lives worse instead of better. Can you imagine if other mundane things constantly puked out unwanted tutorials?

Elevator: "The elevator door is about to open. To leave the elevator, please place one foot in front of the other while facing the door. Once you have exited the elevator door, continue on with your day. If you would like to go to a different floor, please use the numeric control pad and press the appropriate button."

IPod, before each song plays: "To play a song, use the patented click-wheel to select an artist and song, or simply select a song from the list. The click wheel is also used for adjusting the volume and changing settings."

Toilet, when you enter the stall: "This toilet accepts personal refuse and associated hygeine products only. To make a deposit, bend at the waist..."

Well, I think you get the idea.

Obviously these things are absurd. Why isn't the stupid voice mail after message any more absurd?

I called AT&T (my carrier) today and asked to have that whole message thing turned off. They said they couldn't turn it off, but they could disable the ability for me to receive numeric pages, which would decrease the size of that message by about 60%.

However, they were wrong! Disabling the ability for me to receive numeric pages TOTALLY ELIMINATED the post-message (after-message) IN ITS ENTIRETY!

My cell phone's voicemail system works like an old-school answering machine now!

"I'm not here, blah blah blah. [BEEP]"

Beautiful.

Hint: You can't do it yourself. You have to call AT&T and they will tell you it can't be done. Just ask to have the ability to receive numeric pages turned off and it should work.

I found another good post on the same topic...

http://www.thoughtsonthings.com/archives/2006/01/to_send_a_numer.php

My comment to his post looks remarkably like the last part of this entry.